Let's talk about American fatties

Today's New York Times looks into why Americans are so much bigger and healthier than ever before. Turns out, you can eat what you want, smoke all you want and never think about exercise as long as your mom was healthy while you were in the room. Well, maybe not.
Interesting, but the fact that at 5'9.5" and 191 lbs the average American man is nearly obese seems nothing to be happy about.

Read the whole article (the first in a series about "the science of ageing") here.

A bit of an afterthought,this article brings obesity into the mix while asking how much longer the trend towards longer lifespans can continue.

In a semi-related note, it seems that the new thing in online advertising is for one company/product to have multiple ads on the same page in dialogue with one another, bouncing your attention back and forth. The red-alert urgency of the Tylenol ads on the NYT health page, the John Tucker Must Die Myspace ads with just enough nudity to make you look, and those ubitiquous Little Miss Sunshine ads that have become a permanent feature on Gawker and the Times website.
Seriously, how dumb do these people think we are? Like anyone is really going to visit a website with blinking ads silently screaming at them. It's enough to give you a headache.

Anyway, enough of that. I'm gonna take an asprin and then head off to a double feature.

Minus 10 points for missing out on Lindsay "Firecrotch" Lohan

The Redhead Cluster Phenomenon, Toronto-based Joe Clark's tragically underupdated website, begins with a backstory that reads like a pulp novel: a first love with a redhead cools off, heats way up, ends tragically. As he tells it, Clark launched his very thorough investigation into redheadedness and the predetermined nature of the appearance of groups or "clusters" of the redheaded, thanks, in part, to the best blowjob of his life. Redheads and fate - a novel concept.

For those of you too busy [lazy] to visit the site, some samples of Clark's brilliance:
From the Definitions page:


"Hair colour is only one indicator of redheadedness, just as some black bears are brown. A ruddy beard is not sufficient. However, hair on the head in an approved shade, plus brows, lashes, and facial hair of the same or related shades, are sufficient.

Redheads may or may not have freckles (the genes tend to be either/or). The skin may seem as if vacuum-packed in plastic. Eyelids may be puffy-looking. Eyes tend toward blue, though brown eyes don’t disqualify you, and genuinely green eyes, as bright and almost as tangible as the dyed cherries you find in a supermarket, confer bonus points."

Site extras include lists of famous redheads, evaluations of their looks, merits and talents - including why Mario Batali (with his presumably uncircumcized Italian sausage) is better than fellow coppertop Bobby Flay (with his unadorned American weenie and bad attitude.)
Clark spares no one, including his lost lover. Just hope that you are never a redhead caught in his path - he will tell it like it is. Hilarious, best writing I've seen in a while. Good blog too. Most importantly, he reminds me of myself. Undoubtedly the best compliment I can bestow.

Spooky but inspiring

Found this little gem on the internet today while researching possible Halloween costumes. Note how the covers range from bored doodles to [presumably] acid-fueled multimedia extravaganzas. Brilliant!

Mr. T says: I pity the fool who don't visit the Seismo-Zombie Gallery and send these cards to their friends!

Dated, but whatever

Came across the 2005 clio winners in print advertising. found this one particularly moving:


Telefonica, Mixed Faces 1, Y&R Buenos Aires

Loved this:


Bic Marker, Old Lady, TBWA/Paris, Boulogne-Billancourt

And while Playstation was lauded in 1,000 different ways, I just don't get it:


PS2, Welcome, TBWA/Paris, Boulogne-Billancourt

PS2, Plugs, TBWA/Paris, Boulogne-Billancourt

Totally unoriginal color scheme. Looking at this year's winners all you have to do is go muted browns to get an award. Minus 5 points all around!

And finally, too cute not to mention:

Buenos Aires Zoo, Lion, Del Campo Nazca Saatchi & Saatchi, Buenos Aires

Happy Birthday Dave.

and happy birthday to me.

not cool

From the Daily News via Gawker: Tweleve-year-old actress and creepily-articulate Lilliputian Dakota Fanning to star in nude rape scene.

Sure the girl's a good actress, but 12? They couldn't save me from barfing and at least get the floozy from Harry Potter to do it?

Lenin's Pravda Tells It Like It Is

According to the Russian newspaper Pravda ("The Truth") "Syphilis is the best disease people may catch after having unsafe sex."

You know, I'd always been a bigger fan of crabs, but then again the folks at Pravda do have some good advice: Our message for girls is short and simple: give it another thought before you open your mouth.

More pearls of wisdom from Pravda:
-"For rapists, exhibitionists or those who are simply preoccupied, the most beneficial time of year has arrived: everywhere is green, there are places to hide, and it's warm, there is no need to worry about freezing off an important body part."
Sex crimes increase in summer because of women's scanty outfits.
-Bodyguards in skirts: new occupation for masculine women.
-Cat rapes woman after preforming oral sex on her.
-All nudists are perverts, gays and lesbians.

A Call to Friends

My heart is heavy; my man is gone. My dream job just went from so-close-I-could-taste-it to hey-loser-fat-chance.
But as they say, there's always someone who has it worse.

At least I don't have a lover that denies our "otherworldly" relationship. Sorry Gayle King, I feel for you girl.
On the other hand, what does Steadman have to say about this?



So I might not have it as bad as Gayle, but still, bring cookies.

gross

I bet Al Gore is feeling really smug today.

Seriouly man, we all get your point. Now turn down the thermostat, because this is getting inhumane.

"another scorcher"

Radio weather reports have always made me uncomfortable; I had never conceptualized this thought until just now.

Listen for yourself.

serious

In recent days, the Middle East has been all over the news and on my mind.

Now I'm terribly uninformed and thoroughly unqualified to speak on such matters, but I spent the evening with a good friend from Haifa, Israel and it really put things in perspective. Having lived my whole life in the U.S. I can't even begin to understand what it means to have to comprehend such violence.

More from the Human Rights Watch.

Ridiculously Loud, Necessary Footwear

Let us take a moment on this hot-as-hell Monday to celebrate the beauty of insane shoes straight from the warped minds of painters and graphic designers.

First, from my wishlist:

String Republic's deliciously acidic slip-ons and espadrilles.

And we can't forget my last purchace:

Custom painted Species by the Thousands one-of-a-kind sneaks and limited-edition jewelry. CUSTOM MADE! Pictures do them no justice. This pair has a Jabberwocky, mine a romancing couple on the right foot and a sloth on my left.

Redheaded Adoptee to Make World Much More Vanilla

I'll admit it. I came to the Frosty rather late in life.
I was 18, and after my shift at the local Perkin's Pancake House I was driving around with a co-worker, looking for munchies. We pulled into Wendy's and I ordered a black-and-white shake only to discover - to my horror - that the Frosty implied chocolate.
Seriously, wtf? Had I been transported to Communist China? The U.S.S.R? Cuba?!

So that is why I am pleased to announce, all these years later, that that smiling temptress Wendy has embraced personal freedom and the market economy by intorducing the VANILLA FROSTY!
Check out this press release with its promises of a vanilla Frosty and (bonus!) 99-cent chicken sandwich!!

All I can say to the people at Wendy's is, "Duh!"

To see how the original Frosty stands up against other summer road trip snacks click the Frosty cup.

Yo it's crazy. All my friends are getting supersuccessful around me. The latest to cross over on the road to fame and riches?


Congratulations to Ms. Stephanie McCarthy, rising star of advertising and music reportage.

Let us all raise a glass in her honor.



McCarthy is currently a finalist competing to cover every concert in the universe as the official Newcastle Brown Ale/Spin magazine blogger. And I am going to ride her coattails all the way to Leeds for next month's Reading Festival. Thanks Steph!

Wilson/Egg Redux

This blog isn't even 10 entries old and already I'm recycling topics. A sign of things to come? Hmmm...

What, me again?

"There is no filmmaking to speak of" in You, Me and Dupree says today's New York Times. And though this is quite possibly the most terrible thing one could ever say about a movie I still want to see it.
Check out Manohla Dargis' hilarious albeit feminazi review here.

Was tempted to post earlier about Easter eggs for the second time today when I passed this pysansky exhibit at the Ukrainian Museum.

Seriously, the thing is so ridiculously amazing; the pic does it not a drop of justice.
I took a moment to peep the gift shop, which is full of the most amazing textiles - all sorts of pillows and embroidered clothing. You might want to check it out if you have - oh I don't know - a friend with a birthday coming up.

Reuters extravaganza

After last year's much-debated PSP "graffiti" ads, Sony is at it again. This time pissing off all sorts of people in Holland.



Seriously?
I guess if you're one of those all-press-is-good-press types then Sony is doing a bang up job!

My take? If you're going to do something that could possibly be seen as racist, use some discretion. For example: don't put the black guy in some Uncle Tom's Cabin/Kara Walker-style threads that just scream, "Antebellum!" while the white chick looks like she hopped right out of some 23rd century flying saucer. For the full story click here.

Also from Reuters:

Chicken lays mystery Allah egg
If you wanted to, I guess you could say this proves something. Too bad it's not closer to Easter, dear friends, because you all would be getting baskets full of Allah eggs along with your chocolate bunnies.

Paralyzed man moves computer cursor through thought
And if the appearance of Allah on Earth weren't enough to convince you the end of days is nigh, even a little paralysis can't keep this dude away from his gmail.
According to Wired magazine, excessive Internet use can lower your I.Q. 10 pts. Excessive pot smoking? 4.
The moral of the story: stop telepathically picking up chicks on Myspace and get in touch with your inner Haile Selassie, dude.

Few workers who could telecommute do so: study
Sure I'm not getting paid to clap away on my keyboard all day, so what I "do" doesn't exactly count as "telecommuting," but I can see why people who actually have careers wouldn't go for it. I'm going nuts locked away in the house. My dad, on the other hand, has fully embraced the idea of working from home - pajamas and all. To each his own.

Heather Runs on Dunkin'

Thanks to the ridiculously exceptional service and simple genius of the buy five, get one free promotion I can't seem to stay away from the Delancey St. Dunkin Donuts. After a strict schedule of coffee drinking and card punching I finally earned (?) my free coffee this morning. Kind of anti-climatic though.

Anyway, I can't help but give it up to DD for their incredible marketing. In addition to this scheme (which has gotten me to pay more than double for my daily iced coffee at the expense of my relationship with the muffin men) the TV spots are amazing.

If you haven't had the arena rock brilliance stuck in your head yet, then you probably don't have a television.


and as a gift to you - a blast from the past:

Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Elvis Costello

Currently watching Elvis Costello and Allen Toussaint on Late Night with Conan O'Brien. Thoroughly dissappointing, but with Mr. Anthony Brown shining on guitar.
See what the NYT thought of Monday night's live show.

As oft happens with celebrities, Mr. Costello was much shorter than I had expected. Additionally, his hair was a distractingly suspect shade of black.

Speaking of which, Owen Wilson was sporting the now infamous Botox-bangs that so many starlets have fallen victim to.

Terrible. Seriously, don't do it. What ever happened to grace?

In related news, McCarthy is masterminding a brilliant campaign for a new, imporoved, long-lasting version of the good 'ol botulism. The pros/cons of injecting pig fat vs. cow fat in ones face has been on her mind latey, which given the kosher vs. halal vs. sacred cow debate is a political powder keg. A consultation with a rabbi confirms that while swine are unsuitable for eating they are clear for injection. Really?

Food for thought.

A Subway Story - Beyond Race Magazine Summer 2006

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