Minus 10 points for missing out on Lindsay "Firecrotch" Lohan
The Redhead Cluster Phenomenon, Toronto-based Joe Clark's tragically underupdated website, begins with a backstory that reads like a pulp novel: a first love with a redhead cools off, heats way up, ends tragically. As he tells it, Clark launched his very thorough investigation into redheadedness and the predetermined nature of the appearance of groups or "clusters" of the redheaded, thanks, in part, to the best blowjob of his life. Redheads and fate - a novel concept.
For those of you too busy [lazy] to visit the site, some samples of Clark's brilliance:
From the Definitions page:
"Hair colour is only one indicator of redheadedness, just as some black bears are brown. A ruddy beard is not sufficient. However, hair on the head in an approved shade, plus brows, lashes, and facial hair of the same or related shades, are sufficient.
Redheads may or may not have freckles (the genes tend to be either/or). The skin may seem as if vacuum-packed in plastic. Eyelids may be puffy-looking. Eyes tend toward blue, though brown eyes don’t disqualify you, and genuinely green eyes, as bright and almost as tangible as the dyed cherries you find in a supermarket, confer bonus points."
Site extras include lists of famous redheads, evaluations of their looks, merits and talents - including why Mario Batali (with his presumably uncircumcized Italian sausage) is better than fellow coppertop Bobby Flay (with his unadorned American weenie and bad attitude.)
Clark spares no one, including his lost lover. Just hope that you are never a redhead caught in his path - he will tell it like it is. Hilarious, best writing I've seen in a while. Good blog too. Most importantly, he reminds me of myself. Undoubtedly the best compliment I can bestow.
For those of you too busy [lazy] to visit the site, some samples of Clark's brilliance:
From the Definitions page:
"Hair colour is only one indicator of redheadedness, just as some black bears are brown. A ruddy beard is not sufficient. However, hair on the head in an approved shade, plus brows, lashes, and facial hair of the same or related shades, are sufficient.
Redheads may or may not have freckles (the genes tend to be either/or). The skin may seem as if vacuum-packed in plastic. Eyelids may be puffy-looking. Eyes tend toward blue, though brown eyes don’t disqualify you, and genuinely green eyes, as bright and almost as tangible as the dyed cherries you find in a supermarket, confer bonus points."
Site extras include lists of famous redheads, evaluations of their looks, merits and talents - including why Mario Batali (with his presumably uncircumcized Italian sausage) is better than fellow coppertop Bobby Flay (with his unadorned American weenie and bad attitude.)
Clark spares no one, including his lost lover. Just hope that you are never a redhead caught in his path - he will tell it like it is. Hilarious, best writing I've seen in a while. Good blog too. Most importantly, he reminds me of myself. Undoubtedly the best compliment I can bestow.
posted by this is heather c at 2:00 PM
1 Comments:
I updated the HTML slightly and, after some bizarre messages from one of the guys on the History page, deleted him from it. Perhaps the best place for redheads is down the memory hole. They’re certainly less trouble there.
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